Today I hugged my 9 year old and sent him to his Dad's for the summer. 10 weeks without Cohen. 70 days without his smile and infectious laugh. 1,680 hours to live without seeing his blue eyes sparkle. 100,800 minutes I never get back. I miss out on his 9 year old summer. Maybe he'll shoot 10 consecutive free throws and I won't get to see it. Maybe he will make the play of the game on his baseball team, and I won't be there to cheer him on. He may even get sad and miss his mom and I won't be there to hug it out. This is time I must forfeit, because 10 years ago I made a choice to have sex outside of marriage, with a man I didn't love and these are my consequences. There are always consequences to sin in our lives, there are no choices we make without affecting our life. But I can't just stay there and resonate in my consequences...here's why...
As believers so often we want to say "The wages of sin is death" which is true. However, we leave off all of the important things before and after that:
Romans 6:20-23
When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the obligation to do right. And what was the result? You are now ashamed of the things you used to do, things that end in eternal doom. But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.
The before verses and sentence after are key to understanding the entirety of the author's message in Romans. I cannot and should not stay bogged down in the wages of my sin. God has restored me from this past sin. There has been repentance and grace. When I looked into Cohen's eyes on December 20th, 2005 I saw a part of God that I never knew existed, I had a plummet into GRACE. In that moment there was forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration. Have I sinned since then, OH BOY have I ever! But that moment began a journey of refinement and the drawing closer to my King. If I were to stay in the shame of that sin and those choices, if I spent all summer beating myself up over all this, that would be the true tragedy. If we only live in our sin and even if we go as far to not share what we struggle with to others then we loose the opportunity to share God's GRACE. GRACE which is given freely to those who believe, the bill having been covered in the blood of Jesus.
Ya'll I've done some bad things. I've led a far from perfect life. I've walked a rocky road and been in the refiners fire for a lot of my adult life. I will sin and fall short of the glory of God, but there is grace. I strive now to live a life that glorifies God, for I desire to please him and honor him with all of my days. I also want to point you to Christ because he changed my life and I know that he can change yours. If he can take a girl who turned her back on him, lived a life saturated in sin and turn her heart around then I know that he can do the same for you. "I once was lost but now I'm found, I once was blind but now I see."
Today I'm sad because I miss Cohen already, today I'm reminded that there are consequences of sin in our lives, even if it happened in the past it still hurts us. But I will step forward in GRACE knowing that the refinement has led to a life well lived and has drawn me closer to my Savior. I hope me telling the truth about my struggles will help you draw closer to the God who created you and loves you, for you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made in his BEAUTIFUL image. So am I and so is my son.
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise'
Blessings- Laura Story
Much Love,
Chrystan
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