Monday, January 19, 2015

Infinity: The Plight of the Mommy

Numbers. There were many numbers in my day today:

0- the number of husbands home this week
1- the number of mommies in this house
3- the number of boys to be cared for
2- the number of babies that woke up in the middle of the night
14- the number of times my fit bit said I was restless in the night
14- the number of times my 3 year old kicked me in the side, face or other body part while sleeping in my bed
3,4,5,6- the hours at which my 1 year old woke up last night
3- the number of children I got up, got fed, got ready, got out of the door
1- the number of companies I ran today
10,000- the number of steps my fit bit said I took today
5,000- the number of steps I took running myself into the ground
3- the number of meals prepared today
3- the number of boys who hated the dinner I made for them
4- the number of loads of laundry washed and dried
0- the number of loads of laundry put away
2- the number of babies who refused to go to bed tonight
645- the number of times i heard the word mommy today
1- the number of mommies completely, emotionally, worn out
5- the number of times my 3 year old told me he loved me tonight
10- the number of kisses my one year old gave me
Infinity- the number that describes my intense love for them

There are so many numbers in our days.  My numbers affect me.  Hearing my name over and over again is one of the numbers that literally makes me want to rip my 2 ears off sometimes.  Oh please don't judge me. I know all of the things. That some mommies don't hear their names anymore. That I am going to miss this.  That there are baby-less women all over the world.  I get it.  Please don't measure me with your yardstick of greatness, I will not measure up, I promise.

A number that I didn't share was how many times I prayed, prayed for stress relief, prayed in thanksgiving for these little people, prayed for patience and peace and understanding.  Because when it comes down to it the most important number in my day today was 3, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Ya'll the number of days I could make it without the 3, a big fat ZERO!  This life is stinkin hard.  And I see you. I see you single mom, burning the candle at both ends. I see you home school mom (bless you), working your buns off to give your kids a great education and some one on one instruction.  I see you business lady momma, breakin a leg trying to get all the kids picked up from daycare in time to rush home cook dinner, feed their faces and spend precious and fast night time minutes with them.  I see you single girl, looking at that married lady across the Dr's office with that cute little baby bump, I see the longing in your eyes.  Guess what sweet girl, your time will come.  The time will come when you flee to girls night as if your life DEPENDED on it (because literally it does).  When you run out the door in the cutest dress that would actually fit over what once was a delightful size NUMBER 8 and is now...well it's bigger ok.  But the infinity, that will always bring you back, longing for more love, more kisses, more hugs and sweet moments. Those are the moments that feed us on this end of mommyhood.  Girls, He sees you too.  He sees you loading the dishwasher while your toddler insists on climbing on top of the door, while licking a dirty knife (again, put measuring sticks away, it happens ok!)  He sees you pouring into your husband, your babies, your job, your church, your friends, your needy neighbor, the girl at the Dr's office, He sees you pouring it all out all day long.  Overflowing a number of good things to others, while taking no time for yourself.  Ladies, lovely ladies, He sees you. And He looks at you and He thinks "There's my girl.  Working it every day like a ROCK STAR!" And you know what number He thinks of "Infinity, the amount of love I feel for her, INFINITY"  Girls, the God of the universe sees you, He loves you, He made you to be perfection to him.  Seek solace in his arms when all you have left is zero.  He will pour back into you and send you out to all the things again.  You are His most precious and He loves you infinity.

Psalm 149:4
For the Lord takes pleasure in His people: He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation

Get to know this Jesus I speak of, as He is the Way the Truth and the LIGHT!  He is INFINITY!

Much Love,
Chrystan

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