Wednesday, October 23, 2013

50/50 Is just Not Enough: Loving, Leading and Flourishing in our Relationships

Someone once told me that in marriage it's a 50/50 split because then you have 100%.  Maybe this makes sense in theory, but in practice it does not work.  Luckily, in our pre-marital counseling Adam and I received the best advice given.  We were told very truly and bluntly: "You can not each give 50/50 and expect for this to work out in the end.  You each have to come to the table everyday, every week, every year 100%."  I truly believe that with my whole heart now.  As of today, Adam and I have been married for 3 years.  Now for some of you older, wiser married people 3 years seems so small.  In this world of divorce I celebrate greatly each year that we make it through and continue in our commitment together for better or for worse.  In three years we have already been faced with such challenges.  One major challenge I choose not to share, but it was spiritual warfare and the battle rages on.  In these challenging times if Adam had shown up 50% and I was giving 100% what in the world would that have looked like?  Or what if each of us had only come to the table with 25% thinking the other would make up the difference?  What a mess that would have been!  I am learning so much in marriage.  Not just how to tolerate the day to day but how to love, lead and flourish.  Loving everyday is not easy. It's not all twitter-pated and staring into each others eyes.  It's babies crying and lack of sleep, it's weight gain, it's lost keys and business trips, it's burned suppers and sleepless nights filled with worry for our children, it's hospitalizations and stomach flu's, it's day in day out 100% or loose.  Did you know that going into your marriage?  Do you know that as are you prepare for your marriage?  What about now, now that you've been divorced how would you do things differently?  OR now that you hear this are you ready for marriage or are you going to stop and be thankful that you are still single?  God is so good to me in my marriage.  He has taught me more about his love for me through my marriage then in any other part of my life.  Ya'll marriage is hard because it's full of selflessness.  Selflessness does not always come easy, most of the time it never comes easy!  I think our sinful nature makes selflessness a HUGE battle for us. It's not of the norm to give and give and give of yourself not expecting or crying out for a return!  "I did all this laundry and you can't even take out the trash!" Or "I was up all night with the baby and your snored your face off for 10 hours!"  Instead marriage can be full of selflessness on both ends where it sounds more like "I did the laundry for us and prayed over each little person as I folded the clothes. Then I set the trash outside, can you please take it out" That's my goal right there!  100% to the table every day. Loving, leading and flourishing because it's Biblical, so let's dive in to that! 

Philippians 2:4          
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.                   

Luke 6:35                 

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.                   

1 Peter 3:8                   

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.

One other thing I am striving for is not talking bad about my hubby. Isn't it so common that we will get together (especially us ladies) and complain about our spouses.  Nope, not me, not no more.  I am pouring over Ephesians through this:

Ephesians 4:29-32                
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you!!! WOW! We need to live by that in all of our interactions right?!  Mantra for the month for sure! 

What I want you take away from today is this; whether your single, engaged, married or divorced it's still a concept across the board of being selfless, loving, forgiving and kind.  These are the Christ like qualities we are expected (and equipped for) to up hold in our day in and day outs.  There is no perfection in this house by any means, I fly off the handle, I speak un kind and I have unkind thoughts.  But we are striving to treat each other with the love that Christ so willingly gives us when we put down our nets, shake off our old clothes and follow him.

Friends, love each other, be a light for the Lord and seek him in all that you do. You are Beautifully and Wonderfully Made in His image!

Much Love,

1 comment:

  1. Great insight, Chrystan! I am so very proud of you and your walk with Christ. I have ALWAYS known that you are Beautifully & Wonderfully Made! Love you.


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