It seems like this time of year we are looking back at our year and evaluating. Well this year I am looking back on my life and evaluating. I turned thirty this month, I know I know it's shocking since I make thirty look SOOOOO good. :) As I am reflecting on the 3 decades that are now my past I am amazed by the growth and change I have experienced, especially in the last ten years. It's crazy how much my life has changed in a measley ten years. Here's the break down. Six years ago, this Tuesday the 20th, I had a baby. I was single and scared to death. At the time I asked God why? Why did He give me this baby while I was alone, poor, and affraid? I just knew I'd be single forever, because how would I ever find a man who would love me despite my past and love my son as much as me. I questioned His plan for my life. Six years ago God blessed me with Cohen and completely changed who I was. 3 years ago I was ending one of the worst and most distructive relationships of my life. I had been dating a man who was emtionally abusive and controlling. Again I asked God why. I thought that I supposed to be with this man forever, I thought I was going to be the one to change him, but luckily for me God's plan is greater than what I could ever have imagined for myself. Just weeks later, that January, I ran into a man i'd a met before. I married him. 3 years ago God took a man out of my life, to give me the right one. 2 years ago this month, Cohen and I were in a roll over car accident that we could have easily died in. And as I looked at my totalled car and all the wreckage and looked at my son un touched I cried out to God, and thanked Him for his protection. I wondered why was I so blessed that He saved us? What was His plan for our lives? 2 years ago God could've taken me to Heaven, yet I stayed. 1 year ago last week, I was morning the loss of a pregnancy. I shook my fist and pouted at God, why aren't you giving me what I want! One month later we were pregnant with Dylan and God said very clearly to me "It is in my time, not yours". This Christmas I literally have it all. My children are healthy and thriving, my husband and I are blessed to have each other and God's plan is in full effect. Why have I ever questioned it? Why do I think I know best, when I have all of the proof that I don't right in front of me. Nothing that I wrote about tonight happened because of anything I did on my own. Psalm 27:14 says "Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord". It's so easy in hind sight to say that and know that, but I am trying hard to do that now. There is so much disapointment in life, so much opportunity to ask God why, and sometimes it just seems like too much. God knows the end result though, His plan is the master plan and it is so good. I promise you, if you wait for Him He will deliver. He has no intention of leaving you high and dry. A popular quote says "If He gets you to it, He'll get you through it." And that my friends is the truth.
If you are struggling this holiday season with those hard things in life. If your heart is breaking for whatever reason. Know that this is just a season in life. That there is light at the end of this tunnel, but that there is a Savior there to walk with you through the dark times. Jesus loves you and if you do not know Him as your personal Savior now is the time. Call out to Him, He is there.
Friends, Merry Christmas. You are a blessing to me and I would like to be a blessing to you this year. Please let me know if I can pray for you or help you this year. And continue to remind yourself that you are Beautifully and Wonderfully Made by your creator who loves you with His whole heart!