Vending Machine

There has been discouragement painted all over me the last few weeks.  I have been discouraged in my walk with Christ, in my daily life, my business and just overall blah.  I have had conversations with friends that should have lifted me up but they didn’t, I have met with my amazing Pastor to talk through these things and yet still I am discouraged.  I couldn’t have told you exactly why and when I tried to describe it all, it came out jumbled making no sense to the listener.  It’s been so often lately that hard work and dedication in most of the areas of my life have not shown fruit.  That going the extra mile, working harder, doing more than the average bear has not paid off as I thought it should.  Trying to be the hands and feet of Jesus to everyone around, to share boldly what I know as truth has blossomed not one life tree. Discouragement comes from the deceiver.  So the last few weeks I have been all kinds of like this:

Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan, Psalm 55:2

And God has been all kinds of like this:

 But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

My discouragement has mainly been a lack of trust and God in my life.  I need to wait on him, not expect him to meet me where I want him to be.  Life in Christ is not a vending machine.  I'm a whole lot of “I want I want, I need, I need, I gotta have” and God is a whole lot of “Be patient my child, wait on my plan it’s so much better than yours”.  My discouragement came from my lack in faith, trust and vision.  I cannot see what God has in store for Providence Baptist Church, Missions in my life, The Language Project (my company) or the many other “grievances” that I have brought to him in the last few weeks.  I have come to God as if he were a vending machine trying to put my prayer in and immediately receive my desire.  “Lord, please save this person in my life because I want you to” “Lord please don’t take my best friend and send her to the other side of the country, because I can’t live without her”  “Lord light a fire in my church, because I’m tired of looking like the radical crazy lady”  “Lord, make my company profitable so that I’m not stressed out about money anymore”  There is SO much “I” in those prayers it’s painful to read, but these have been my prayers.  Here is my prayer now:

“Father, forgive me for my lack in patience and trust.  Lord, lead my feet where you would have them go.  Give me the words you would have me speak.  Send me where you would have me and may my refuge only ever be you.” 

You see in that prayer there is no I.  In that prayer and in that attitude God can grow me and refine me. I am open to his leading and his will.  God is not a vending machine spitting out exactly what we order each time.  He is an overflowing fountain of grace, mercy and love providing us with what we need to live a life that is pleasing and glorifying to him. 

This week with a change in my attitude I was renewed and I got to see his great work in my life and in the lives of others.  Our church started a new ministry this week and gave me a shot of electricity that was greatly needed.  Though my friend is still moving, my business still takes hard work and my life still has unmet desires I am reminded that his plan is perfect and I am only  to seek him first to have all else added unto me. 

What do you need to pray this week? Do you need to pray for patience in his plan? Do you need to pray for peace regarding the loss of a friend, loved one, or the end of a relationship?  What changes do you need to make in your life to create freedom in the plan that God has?  There is so much beauty to truly letting go of what you are holding tightly in your hand, because when you do that your palms are open and ready to receive.  God loves you and desires for you to know him.  You are FEARFULLY WONDERFULLY and BEAUTIFULLY MADE in his image.  Let’s all go and proclaim that in our lives each day.

Much Love,

Chrystan