The Dream Thief

(Unsplash:Steve Halama)

Dreams.
Goals.
Passions.

Do these things we dream of, do these gifts we long to share, these goals we've set and these things we chase after have a shelf life? If not what's stopping us?

For days I've sat at my desk staring at my dream guide and my purpose sheet trying to put into words what's in my heart.  Writing them down seemed impossible and I couldn't figure out why, until today. It all boils down to fear.  Fear. What an ugly word.  I've boiled my fear down to two main things:

Failure
I'm afraid I'm not good enough to bring it all to fruition.  I'm afraid I will let those in my corner down or those out of my corner will be proved right. I'm afraid I really can't do it.

You
I'm afraid you think I'm too old. I'm afraid you will think I just like the next new thing. I'm afraid that you think I'm crazy. I'm afraid that you think I think I'm pretty awesome. I'm afraid you won't be safe with my dream. I'm afraid I won't live up to your standards. I'm afraid I don't fit your mold. I'm afraid when I chase these dreams I will let you down. I'm afraid I'm not enough.

Today I wrote them all down. All of the outlandish things that God has laid on my heart, maybe even since I was a little girl.  All these dreams that I may fail at all these goals that you may say I could never achieve. The things I may be too old for or not good enough for, those things...I wrote it all down.

You see, I was afraid to write them down because I didn't think I was enough. But I realized today that I'm right, I am not enough and that right there will set you FREE.  These things God is calling me to, I can't do them...
I can't make them happen
I can't work hard enough
I can't be all the things necessary to make them happen

That's the beauty of these crazy dreams God gave me.  I'm not enough, but he is.  I am dreaming dreams that make me so uncomfortable. They call me out on the waters where there is no life boat in a storm that I cannot tame, this year these dreams of mine are so big and so bold only God could make them happen.  Those dreams, those are the best ones to have. I am learning if we are not stepping out in such bold ways that we are scared, with knees knocking so much so that we have to lean on him to stand up, then girls we aren't dreaming with the knowledge that our God is mighty. Our God is Uncontainable. Our God makes blind men see and raises the dead. He made mountains and moved them around to create the earth.  He is mighty! Sweet sister he is big enough to accomplish whatever he is calling you to without you, but he loves you so much he invites you to do it with him. Stop limiting him and start dreaming with him.

Whatever it is, it's not bigger than the God calling you to it. But you must invite him into your life.  You must.  You cannot go forward without him, he must be a part of this plan. So today, I wrote them all down and I prayed. I prayed that I would honor him with these dreams. I prayed that I would not go before him. I prayed that I would be diligent in my ways to seek the kingdom with these gifts.

Today I pray that whatever it is that seems so huge that God is calling you to do that you will ask him to lead the way.  Whatever it is. Maybe it's going back to school, maybe its seminary, maybe it's a total career change, maybe it's staying home and homeschooling. Whatever that BIG scary thing is, I pray you will seek God with it.  That you will do it with him.  I am praying that you are brave enough to step out and do really big uncomfortable things for the glory of God.  I pray that for myself.

He made us, he pursues us, he longs to give us the desires of our hearts, you dear girl are FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY made in his loving image. He can and will do immeasurably more than you can ever imagine.

Go with God this year.  Write those dreams down and chase after them with a HOLY passion! I'm right here with you, shaking in my cowgirl boots!

Much Love,
Chrystan

PS- Want more on CALLING?  Join us over at Imperfectly Brave this year as we study CALLING!  Register for this free program HERE.

Find Your Tribe

This past week I celebrated 35 years of life.  My people rallied and gave me a great week with cards, gifts, notes and acts of kindness.  My husband sent me out of town with my some dear friends and we had a weekend away that included a lot of laughter, a Branson Christmas Variety show, shopping, Christmas lights, chips and queso and lots of girl talk.  It made me so thankful for my TRIBE. Let me tell you about my people.

Years ago I prayed.  I prayed for God to send me authentic women.  I longed for deep friendships in my local community.  I have lots of friends spread out all over the country (and world) and I cherish them dearly.  What I was longing for was people here where I live, to do life together.  A connection deeper than the glaze over of "how are you" "I'm fine".  Though I was surrounded by people all the time, I still felt lonely. So I prayed.

Then came one friend. Then came two. Then three. Today I can say I have a tribe of women who are fierce for me.

Through what I will call tribal living I have seen change in my life.  I have been and am being refined. I have been cared for and comforted. I have learned more, I have lingered longer.  My walk with God has been so sweet and so good. I have leaned in to prayer and study more than ever.  These women, this tribe, they have set me free from perfection and performance. They meet me where I am and lift me up when I need lifted.  God has used these authentic relationships to reveal pieces of me that need mending, shaping and refinement.  God has shown me his grace, love and provision through these women.  He has taught me how to love outside my comfort zone and how to say I'm sorry even when it was really hard to do.

My willingness to open myself up to authenticity has allowed for some of the best years in my life.  Not because they have been free from hurts, difficulties and trials.  Definitely not!  These last few years have been trial, after trial, after trial.  God provided helpmates for me, to be real with, to hold fast to truth with, to hold me accountable and encourage me to seek first the kingdom for all things.  Not to seek them, but to seek the kingdom.

Tribal living has become life for us.  We do life together.  We feed each other when life gets crazy. We unpack boxes for each other. We take each others kids when we need date nights.  We break bread and drink wine around tables in our homes.  We hug and we cry.  We worship and we pray.  We are fierce for each other and do life together in abundant grace not in judgment.

We also open ourselves up to be the tribe for others.  Beth Moore reminded us in one of her studies that you can't be turned inward with your people all the time, we must not be shut off to the other people out there.  So, we turn outward, we care for others, we bring others in and teach them how to be authentic.  We cannot be an elite club of women, we have to be inclusive, as women we should always be working on this.

This weekend and recently, my eyes have been opened to see that this is the exception not the rule. It seems that women think that they have to have it all together. It seems that we have a hard time being friends with each other. It seems to be that we would rather compete than cheer-lead.  Ladies, there is enough for everyone. There is also enough competition out there in the world, let's not compete with each other.  Let's hold each other up to success.  Let's choose authenticity over fake. Living authentically with each other, doing life together, cheering each other on and offering one another all the grace. This is where it's at girls.  I promise once you break down those walls you will never want to build them up again, not ever.

May I encourage you right where you are to begin praying for authentic relationships with other women. To break down walls with each other and do life together.  It may hurt sometimes. It may not be easy.  You may not always agree.  But if you fight for it it will become some of the most beautiful things about your life here on earth.  Community, unity and tribal living has offered some of the best moments of my life.  I pray that you will find the same.  I have so much more to say on this topic, maybe a study of community will be in order here. Until then, who can you build an authentic relationship with in the new year. How can you break down the walls and reveal true pieces of yourself to help another woman struggling? Maybe it's as simple as asking someone to coffee and truly getting to know here or maybe it's taking a leap of faith and starting a prayer group. I can't wait to hear how this changes your life!  Keep me updated!!!!

You are worthy of really good people in your life, who see you as a woman who is fearfully and wonderfully made in His beautiful image.

Much Love,
Chrystan

PS- Pray hard ladies, you will have to fight for this at every turn because UNITY in women is so very glorifying to God and feels impossible at times!  Pray harder, fight for each other it is worth it! I promise...
PPS- please share this, like this, subscribe and let's be in a tribe together!

Sit Still Look Pretty

I am a passionate soul. I think when God created me and blew life and breath into my bones he might have added a little bit of fire.  My poor parents.  I can imagine that trying to raise a girl with all this fire, passion and emotion felt impossible more than once.  Bless them and all of the grey hairs and sleepless nights I gave them.

Now that I am an adult, doing adult things, I have come to realize that this emotion, this passion, has allowed me to survive.  It has brought me through single parenthood, addictions, dire times, abuse and through extreme depression. Somehow God turned all that into good and fueled the flame that he placed inside me, even when I wasn't seeking him.

There are so many people in my life that do not share my exuberant passion.  They are more of a straight and narrow stay on the safe path of life people.  Bless them all.  We cannot all be the same.  There have to be all kinds of people, otherwise the world would either be very dangerous and wild or very quiet and boring.  We are made unique for a reason.

This week I get to do something that I was made to do.  I get to be free. I get to be me.  I get to stand in front of a room of women and lead them in worship and prayer.  I get to take my passion and infuse it into their sweet souls.  I get to lead them into the throne room, what an incredible honor.  Each week on Sunday mornings I stand before a group of people and play a role in leading them in worship but it is a bit different. I have to stay in a safe box. I can't talk out of turn. I can't sing a praise song at the time there was supposed to be a hymn. I can't raise my hands a certain way or even have a posture of prayer on stage because that would shock the masses.  Everything has to look and feel the same every weekend and that is one tall order for this free spirit.

This morning, after a night of practicing for Imperfectly Brave Worship Night (that's this Thursday) I was overcome by emotion. Last night I was so free.  I was comfortable in my own skin, I was beautifully functioning as the fiery passionate little daughter that my good Father made me to be.  I didn't have to fit into a mold, I raised my hands freely and bowed my head while I sang.  I was overcome with my Fathers love in song.  It was beautiful.

Earlier this week someone who means so much to me used my passion against me and it really hurt.  I closed up immediately and shut down.  Last night I was set free, reminded that I was not made to fit into your mold, her mold, his mold, their mold.  I am not a sit still look pretty girl.  I am filled to the brim with fire and love, mixed in with extreme compassion and grace all granted to me through my relationship with the Savior of my soul.  God will call me to function within his plan for me. I cannot be a robot, I cannot look like you and you should not look like me.  You are called to be you, to chase after Jesus in the way he calls you to.  I am called to love passionately, to go do, to pour into people and bring grace to them in all the ways I can. We are all called to worship, to love well, and to be the hands and feet of Jesus in obedience to his word. I may do that with the passion of 1,000 suns, you may do that in a more reserved way, but let's both decide to do it anyways.

I am learning to embrace my passion, maybe even reign it in at times in order to also appreciate the way others do things too.  Thursday night this Cinderella will break free from the walls of this tower and step out free from the shackles that are placed on her by the world around her. God will fulfill a need in her in that place, that time that only he can.  Then she will go back to her call to obedience trying to bloom where she was planted.

I hope this week you allow someone to bloom in your presence, maybe just maybe, you will catch their fire.

"And let us consider how we many spur one another on toward love and good deeds..."
Hebrews 10:24

Much Love,

Chrystan

PS- This song nails it not in the context of a relationship for me but in the context of being free to be who I am where I am.

"Sure I'm a pretty girl up in a pretty world, but they say pretty hurts and
I don't wanna sit still look pretty..."

Underneath

It is officially winter on Ferrell Farms.  The sky is deary, the days are short, it's cold and there is snow.  Let me peel back a layer of myself and tell you I despise winter.  It is just all the things.  I don't like being cold, I can't drive in winter weather due to a car vs black ice situation that could have ended my life and I have seasonal depression so there's that. WINTER, yuck.  However, I have seen some beautiful things around me this winter that called me outside with the little's this weekend.

There was white snow on the ground around the farm this week and it has been so pretty to look at.  Except that under snow there was mud.  Nasty, dirty icky mud.  The ground was so saturated that my boots were sinking down into the mud.  Which left the snow dirty and my boots (and little boys) filthy.

The last few years I have been all in and committed to transparency.  I don't want any woman to begin talking to me, hear me speak or read my blog and think she just has it all together. I always want you to be reminded that I am a hot mess.  There is no perfection in the lines of these words.  I am 100% washed in the grace and blood of Jesus and that is the only way this hot mess steps one foot in front of the other most days.  So, I have a group of women (my prayer group that is now a part of the Imperfectly Brave movement, you can join in too!) that I am nothing but 100% real with.  This week they literally heard me talk about how I have felt so out of sync with God these last two weeks.  I told them all the yucky places while they all sat around my farmhouse table and nodded their heads.  Their pointing fingers were down, they were judgement free and they let me say all the things.  Then they prayed with me. I cry with them I laugh with them and we are so real.  From that group I have realized we just need to be so very real with each other. If we walk in perfection, there is no room for Jesus.  If I act like I've got this all under control then I can't show you that it is only through Christ that I am even keeping my head a float.

Under the snow, was the mud.  But the mud reminded me that there is life, real true growing life under there.  Snow is the precipitation that keeps our ground watered and prepared for the planting and the harvest.  The mud holds that all together till the harvest comes.  There is beauty in each role, the snow, the mud, the yucky of it all holds a beautiful picture in the end.  I want to present Jesus in a good light, I want to be washed white and I am, but then I get muddy again and there is grace.  Wash, rinse and repeat.  Perfection only takes away from the beauty of grace, and ladies grace is where it's at.  May I always be reminded of the hot mess that Jesus loves so fiercely he gave his life away for all the mess to be washed in the blood and remade into a beautiful daughter of the most high King.

I took my eyes off the prize last week and in my transparency I found it all again. In my weakness he stayed strong, sought me out and brought me back. It's not different for you sweet girl.  You can be real, there are people out there that need you to show the imperfection to see the work that the Lord has done and is doing.  May we all find grace in the muddy places, for the harvest will be plentiful.

Much Love,
Chrystan

New Year New You: The Truth Behind Change

In Christ you are a new creation, the old has gone the new has come~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

Last year I made a decision.  I got tired of being sick and tired, literally.  I committed to change.  I've dieted many many times in my life. I've starved myself, obsessed over working out and beat myself up over every cookie, every french fry.  I've spent many years of my life on the body image roller coaster.  Putting much of my value and worth in the numbers on the scale.  So much of my life I valued what others saw as beautiful more than my heavenly Father. Change seemed impossible.

 Last year it was different.  I spent over a year feeling physically crappy, overweight, depressed and lacking in joy.As I began to review what in the world was going on I prayerfully met the idea of change.  That's the thing about change, it's now seemingly impossible to me without Christ's backing.  As humans our nature is set in such a way, because of free will, that change is very hard.  Our selfish nature, pride and willfulness gets in the way of change.  We want so badly to be more organized, have better will power, stay the course, beat the addiction, yet so many times when the rubber meets the road we find ourselves at the end of the year 10 lbs heavier and no better than how we ended last year.  So, I get it.  I get that we may all have the desire for the completion of a resolution and beat ourselves up at the end of yet another year where we failed again.

The difference in this change for me was that instead of journeying out into the big thing alone, I invited God to go with me.  I sought his desire for this part of my life instead of my own.  This changed my perspective. Instead of change being about what size pants I wore or getting a medal in the 1/2 marathon I wanted to run it became more about honoring God with my life and the way I lived it.

Enough about me.  May I encourage you to invite God into these places of your life that you are wanting change in but can't figure out why every year it's the same.  Here's some things you may be holding onto tightly:

Your single life
Your marriage
Problems at work
Weight loss
Sex addiction
Food addiction
Pornography
Loneliness
Past hurts
Drug addiction
Alcohol abuse
Material possessions
Your children
Your home
A health issue
Social media addiction

How do you invite him in to these places? Pray.  Invite him to intercede in your life, to be the guide in your journey. So often we step out, ahead of him and expect him to work it all out. Oh sweet sister it doesn't work that way. God must be the leader in your dance, he is not in the business of following.
30 lbs lighter, free of daily depression, free of illness and joint pain I literally stand before you changed both physically and spiritually.  I invited God into that change, and he was the author of this story.

Who will write the pages of your book this year?

Can I suggest on anthem for 2016:

Much Love,
Chrystan

God Heal Our Land: A Hashtag For the People

I am a hashtag girl, love them!  I can't sit here and explain the hashtag but I can say they are a way to make something "trend", to be follow-able online.  So, a hashtag (I use #boymom multiple times a week) goes with a picture you post or tweet or a status update and it follows you forever.  Yes, folks, forever it becomes a part of your online thumbprint FOREVER (she says in a Sandlot type tone)  This week our country saw yet another mass shooting.  The same familiar things played out, the same type of media coverage came onto our screens, we've seen the evacuation again, the police chase and the hunt to take these shooters down.  We have basically had a shooting for everyday this year, that's sad fact.  Our President and many others have stated in interviews, in tweets and posts "Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families during this time". #godisntfixingthis Is the latest hashtag to blow up the Internet today.  The back lash of this was this headline:

How very bold of Daily News to post this as a front pager today.  Then came the online quarrel and cruelness back and forth; Christians and Non-believers hashtag about this post and the #godisntfixingthis and it gets uglier and uglier.  I heard 3 believers that are hosts of the Today show this morning covering the story of this hashtag and Daily News cover. With each statement my heart ached for them.  They were nervous to speak on it, fumbling through their words, trying to tip toe through standing up for their faith.

Let me say in boldness and truth my God's agenda is not your agenda.  He has every right to let us sit in our sin.  You want him to fix a country that has turned their back completely on him?  You want him to lay his hand of peace and love and protect us when we lash out in hatred toward each other. When we bathe ourselves in sin with porn at our finger tips, pastors on infidelity websites all while feeding our egos by obsessing over how many shares and likes our selfie gets.  Lord, forgive us, Lord forgive me.  Christians we are luke warm. Non-believers you are headed down a scary road.  Instead of fighting you and defending my powerful God, let me tell you what prayer has done in my life.

We just built a house. We just moved in to our dream home, that we saved and sacrificed for.  Not just a few months after we moved in, my husband lost his job.  Out of nowhere for no just reason my husband was let go of a good, steady, well paying job for a company that he had been a leader in for 10 years.  Financial security, gone.  And everything stood still and for a moment I felt panic creeping in.  I did what I know to do. I met with God.  I went to the end of my farmhouse table and sat and I cried out (literally, ugly cry) to my God. I warded off panic and fear with prayer.  For over 2 months nothing, no job.  For  almost 3 months we prayed. Our friends prayed. Our family prayed. Our church prayed.  I prayed for my husband to find worth outside of the strong provider gene he has. I prayed peace over us, that no matter what we would find refuge in God.  I never doubted that God would provide for us, never once, God's got this we said over and over to friends who didn't understand why we weren't panicking.  For these months I saw God molding my husband, drawing him into the word and walking closely with him.  I cry now typing it out, because it was beautiful.  Today, this morning GOD FIXED THIS.  My husband walked out of my house at 6:30am to start his new job.  I praise God for his provision of a job, and actually a better paying job!  But I want you to know I praise God because during this time of trouble he provided a calm in our home, he made this time sweet, he brought us nearer to him in many ways. Our marriage is stronger and our walk with God is so very sweet.
Today I cry out to God in prayer for my country, for this world.

Your hashtag doesn't make me doubt God. Your headline doesn't make me hate you.  Your Internet hatred of my sweet Savior only draws me closer to him.  Your attack on prayer only makes me pray harder.  Because scripture tells me I should be fervent in prayer and that if I pray, if I remain humble and turn from these wicked ways that he will heal our land.  God Bless America Land that I love...let us get back to the roots this country was built and away from hashtags that tare away at that.
#godhealourland #godhealyourpeople #godforgiveus

Much Love,
Chrystan

The Unanswered Prayer

What if you prayed your heart out?  Just poured your guts out to your creator. What if you met him each day, in the throne room, and pleaded? Just laid at his feet and gave it all.  What if you cried all your cries and made all the pleas and what if...what if...it didn't turn out the way you wanted it?  Then what happens?  What do you do? Walk away from it all.  Throw in the holy water and call it a day.  Stand firm on your right to get what you want, protest, have a sit in.  Lord you said you would give me the desires of my heart,  I rightfully ask for a prayer recount.  You said...

Did he say that?  That he would give me everything I ask for.  Well I mean if that's the case then lets all just start requesting all the things.  I deserve to have that trip to Fiji I have desired for years!  I deserve that music career I've been asking for since I was 6, I mean it's about time Lord, right?  You know I packed all my stuff once.  I had the idea to go to Nashville and make it big.  And wouldn't you know days before I was going to run away to Nashville, my life was dramatically altered and I stayed. I had prayed, my heart desired, but it was not answered, or was it?

Didn't he say though that he would give me the desires of my heart?  I prayed hard this week. I prayed, my friends prayed, my family prayed. We all prayed.   It did not turn out the way I wanted it, the way I knew it would. I was sure God was going to move in a miraculous way.  Now I am heartbroken, searching in the dark, are you still good Lord? Are you still good?  It is quiet now, the kids are in bed, the dust from the day has drifted down to the floor and there is silence, are you still good? Didn't you say, desires of my heart...but didn't you say that...

Psalms 37:3-4
Trust in the Lord, and do good: dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Yes in fact he did say that, but we leave out the first section leading into the delight. TRUST in the LORD, do GOOD, DELIGHT ourselves in him. BE FAITHFUL to him.Then he will give you the desires of your heart. But guess what, after doing all this trusting and delighting and being faithful that just may change you.  It just may align you with God's ways, with peace in God's ways. Matthew Henry's commentary of these verses touches on this very thing:


"He has not promised to gratify all the appetites of the body and the humorous of the fancy, but to grant all the desires of the heart, all the cravings of the renewed sanctified soul. What is the desire of the heart of a good man? It is this, to know and love and live to God, to please him and to be pleased in him."

What else can we take from God's words:

Ephesians 1:11-12
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.

Read it again, HIM WHO WORKS ALL THINGS according to his plan. His plan, not mine.  For his glorification not mine.  You see ladies, I prayed my guts out, they were overly exposed laying out for all to see but that's doesn't mean I get to dictate the path that life goes. If I am TRUSTING in our GOOD FATHER, if I am DELIGHTING myself in him, if I stay here in FAITHFULNESS he will make it ok.  Ok in my heart, ok in my walk, ok in my life. He will heal the part of my heart that is broken and he will make straight a path that I could not see before for all the crookedness.

Tonight I close my computer saying out loud and truly knowing, he is still good.  His plans and ways are not my ways but I know from experience that his path is better than mine. When I wanted to leave for Nashville there were 2 lines on a pregnancy test and so I stayed, a life forever changed.  I prayed though, that I would have a music career.  I prayed hard that someone would discover me, that I would get to go be a famous country singer and leave behind all the things, start over.  My life was forever altered because of those two lines that stood in the way of my so called prayers. An unanswered prayed I am thankful for today. Our God is greater and does more than I could ever imagine.So tonight I say it is well Lord, it is well.

Are you praying your guts out for something right now?  I am praying for you in this process. My girls this life here is hard, but we pray to the mighty creator of this spinning world. He is still on his throne and he is still good. Our prayers come into the throne room like a sweet aroma this week, they are answered in alignment with God's will in a masterful plan that we could never ever imagine.  Just as you are a part of this plan FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE in his caring, loving, kind image. Sending all my love to you for all of your hard places.

 I leave you with this amazing song by All Son's and Daughters, thank you Lord for music.

Much Love,

Chrystan