Centered in the Light

(photo by cferrell)

Have you ever just sunk down deep into your depths and wanted to stay there?  Today that's where I am.  And sweet sister, if I'm being honest, it's not a place where I sit with Jesus it's a place where I feel sad.  Today has been hard, and the problem I'm battling will not get easier. So, where do we go from the deep down darkest depths, you get centered back into the light.

My life is ordinary, yet run by an extraordinary creator.  He does sweet things to lift my eyes back up to him and today has been no different, though I continue to battle the back slide.  Everyday faith for me comes fairly easy, I mean God is super easy to trust and believe in in the everyday spaces. It's the places of turmoil where there is uncertainty of out come, when there is attack is where things start to feel impossible.   

My life is not tragic.  Today I am not facing tragedy, and what's interesting I learned something about tragedy at If:Gathering this weekend.  There is not a Hebrew word that translates our word "tragedy" because the Hebrews believed there was nothing tragic, that if something seemed hopeless still it was because God was still moving and working out his plan.  Now that's something to wrap your mind around.  

(photo by cferrell)

My life is Christ centered.  When your life is Christ centered you are walking in light.  When I am not focused on the truth of Christ I am hiding behind darkness instead of staying in the light.  Today things seemed dark, very dark, and sad but I spent a few hours stepping back into light.  I opened the pages of the Bible and read truth.  I re-centered.

Lovelies, things are going to suck. It's pretty much guaranteed (see John 16:33). We are separated from the original plan for us because of original sin, so this world and it's sadness and hurts we cannot avoid.  We can, however, choose to re-center.  We can choose to chase after light with all our might and all our energy.  We are going to get down, but if we allow him, the Lord will give us reason not to stay down.  

(photo by cferrell)

The months ahead may have dark spots but the God who knit us together in the secret place will love us well and lift our face, if we center ourselves in his light.  I'm praying that for us this week.  Don't stay down in darkness girls, let the lover of your soul lift your head and guide you on. Seek Him in prayer, seek Him in scripture, find a church, find a Bible study, find accountability, you were not meant to do this life alone.  God created you special, you are a treasure to him FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made in his LOVINGLY BEAUTIFUL image.  Run with that as the wind in your sails this week.

Much Love,

Chrystan

Sit Still Look Pretty

I am a passionate soul. I think when God created me and blew life and breath into my bones he might have added a little bit of fire.  My poor parents.  I can imagine that trying to raise a girl with all this fire, passion and emotion felt impossible more than once.  Bless them and all of the grey hairs and sleepless nights I gave them.

Now that I am an adult, doing adult things, I have come to realize that this emotion, this passion, has allowed me to survive.  It has brought me through single parenthood, addictions, dire times, abuse and through extreme depression. Somehow God turned all that into good and fueled the flame that he placed inside me, even when I wasn't seeking him.

There are so many people in my life that do not share my exuberant passion.  They are more of a straight and narrow stay on the safe path of life people.  Bless them all.  We cannot all be the same.  There have to be all kinds of people, otherwise the world would either be very dangerous and wild or very quiet and boring.  We are made unique for a reason.

This week I get to do something that I was made to do.  I get to be free. I get to be me.  I get to stand in front of a room of women and lead them in worship and prayer.  I get to take my passion and infuse it into their sweet souls.  I get to lead them into the throne room, what an incredible honor.  Each week on Sunday mornings I stand before a group of people and play a role in leading them in worship but it is a bit different. I have to stay in a safe box. I can't talk out of turn. I can't sing a praise song at the time there was supposed to be a hymn. I can't raise my hands a certain way or even have a posture of prayer on stage because that would shock the masses.  Everything has to look and feel the same every weekend and that is one tall order for this free spirit.

This morning, after a night of practicing for Imperfectly Brave Worship Night (that's this Thursday) I was overcome by emotion. Last night I was so free.  I was comfortable in my own skin, I was beautifully functioning as the fiery passionate little daughter that my good Father made me to be.  I didn't have to fit into a mold, I raised my hands freely and bowed my head while I sang.  I was overcome with my Fathers love in song.  It was beautiful.

Earlier this week someone who means so much to me used my passion against me and it really hurt.  I closed up immediately and shut down.  Last night I was set free, reminded that I was not made to fit into your mold, her mold, his mold, their mold.  I am not a sit still look pretty girl.  I am filled to the brim with fire and love, mixed in with extreme compassion and grace all granted to me through my relationship with the Savior of my soul.  God will call me to function within his plan for me. I cannot be a robot, I cannot look like you and you should not look like me.  You are called to be you, to chase after Jesus in the way he calls you to.  I am called to love passionately, to go do, to pour into people and bring grace to them in all the ways I can. We are all called to worship, to love well, and to be the hands and feet of Jesus in obedience to his word. I may do that with the passion of 1,000 suns, you may do that in a more reserved way, but let's both decide to do it anyways.

I am learning to embrace my passion, maybe even reign it in at times in order to also appreciate the way others do things too.  Thursday night this Cinderella will break free from the walls of this tower and step out free from the shackles that are placed on her by the world around her. God will fulfill a need in her in that place, that time that only he can.  Then she will go back to her call to obedience trying to bloom where she was planted.

I hope this week you allow someone to bloom in your presence, maybe just maybe, you will catch their fire.

"And let us consider how we many spur one another on toward love and good deeds..."
Hebrews 10:24

Much Love,

Chrystan

PS- This song nails it not in the context of a relationship for me but in the context of being free to be who I am where I am.

"Sure I'm a pretty girl up in a pretty world, but they say pretty hurts and
I don't wanna sit still look pretty..."