Spring Break Survival Guide: More for the Indoor

We are halfway through our Spring Break Survival Guide week!  How's the extra parenting hours going?  I hope you had a chance to try some of the physical activities I shared earlier in the week.  School breaks can be a lot of extra work in the parenting department, especially if you don't normally have all of your children home with you everyday.  Here are 5 fun, cheap and simple things for indoor quieter activities you can do with multiple age groups.

Spring Break Survival Guide: More for the Indoor

Chaos can ensue in only a matter of minutes when all three of my boys are home all day.  I've learned if I have a basic plan for the day, then I succeed a little bit better.  So here are a few fun things to add to your day plan that will keep your kiddos engaged for at least a little while.

SLIME!
Seriously making slime is super simple, easy, cheap and so fun for the kids to play with!  Most times it can be re-used as long as it stays off the floor, doesn't get licked (this is a problem in my home) and you have your kiddos wash their hands before they play. There are only one billion slime recipes on Pinterest.  I posted a super fun one earlier this week on my Facebook page.  Here's another recipe that is Borax free and looks like you can dye it any color kool-aid you want!
This easy recipe:

• 1 tbsp of Metamucil with Psyllium (generic fiver supplement will also work as long as it contains psyllium)
• 1 cup of water
• Optional: Kool-aid packets for scent/color or food dye for richer color

With instructions can be found here on this Growing a Jeweled Rose Blog

Car Wash (barbie wash) Station:
Need a few cars or Barbies (small toys)
Metal tray or pan with sides
Tooth brush (new or old, not to be used again...)
Little bowl or cup with a small dot of dish soap and water
Small wash cloth to dry
Towel under it all for just in case!
Line up the cars (toys) for a wash!
This Activity in Pictures on Jennifer Fischer's Blog!

Boredom Busters:
Oh my WORD the Dating Divas nailed it on this one!  These ideas are so super fun and I think you would either have a very cheap, short Michael's run for some paint etc. Or no cost at all!  These activities are mostly for preschool age and up. So if you have a baby, depending on the age, they could do modified activities based on their skills.  Maybe on Friday you could devote some fun time to pick out some of these 60 activities to do as an end of week celebration!  Maybe make it a family affair?
Find these super fun ideas here at Dating Divas

Some other random fun ideas for indoor fun:
Create a "book nook" for quiet time.  Take a large card board box, have your kids help decorate it, cut an entrance hole in the front.  Set a pillow inside, give child a flashlight, snack and some good books to look through or read. (I wish I could make an adult sided version of this!)

Set up a "photo booth" Have your kids use props around the house (costumes, silly hats, dads tie etc..) Our you can make it a trolls booth then watch Trolls or play the music in the background (it is the most fun soundtrack!) Use your cell phone to take the pictures unless you are awesome and have a real camera!

Indoor Hop Scotch is a fun movement activity for inside.  Use masking tape or painters tape to create the squares. You can make it an educational activity by putting words, letters, shapes, numbers or math problems in the squares.

Write letters.  This is a lost art that many people appreciate.  We live far from our family here on Ferrell Farms, so often we do not see grandparents and family for a long time.  Sending them cards, notes and drawings from the kids is always fun.  Put stickers, different writing utensils, stencils, stamps and fun paper out on the table and let them create!

Balloons entertain kids for hours. Blow up a few balloons, set them up with a safe space and see how long they can work together to keep the balloon from touching the ground.  My brothers and I used to do this for hours!  You can also use painters tape to draw a line for them to hit the balloon over. Want to get crafty? Take large Popsicle sticks and paper plates to make paddles to hit the balloons with!

Find more activities here on my Activities For the Kids Board on Pinterest!

All this to say, try to plan something to do every few hours to keep their attention and ward off whining.  Throw some chores in there and make sure they are helping clean up to keep it as stress free as possible.  Take a deep breath, give your grace and enjoy some extra time doing the most important job you have, working with God to raise your children to know him and see him in their lives.  It's not easy, but it's the greatest calling on our lives as parents.

GO, HAVE FUN!

Much Love,
Chrystan

Like what you're reading?  Follow my blog for more inspiration each week!  Also, I'd love to see pictures of you doing these activities, send them to chrystan.ferrell@gmail.com or comment below!

Mom's Spring Break Survival Guide: Let's Get Active!

Momma friends, it is that time again; SPRING BREAK! and most of us aren't packed up and headed to the beach (sigh).  Here we are, just trying to survive a week with some extra tasks on our hands.  I want to help us all with some easy, cheap/free things to do to keep the sanity. I'm not always the super fun, all the cute crafts mom, but we do have some fun out here on Ferrell Farms despite my lacking in adorable cutesy projects.  Let's do this Spring Break week together starting with three ideas for getting your kids MOVING!

1. CosmicKidsYoga- this YouTube/Online yoga program for kids is the most fun!  I even joined in a bit!  We know getting kids moving is super important not just for health but for sanity (I'm a boymom, my kids must expend energy!)  So last week I had my kids home more time than normal and Cosmic Kids Yoga saved me!  They take the kids through a yoga story adventure (we did the pirate one).  The host leads them through a body active story time that had my kids giggling and have a great time! I mean they rowed a boat with their legs and talked on a phone with their foot, adorbs!  You can find all the Cosmic Kids Yoga goodness here. Highly recommend!

2. Obstacle Course- this is our family JAM!  We love obstacle courses!  We do this outside but it can also be modified to an inside activity if it's still cold weather outside for you or a rainy day.  Kids of all ages can participate, but probably 2 and up with modifications for age groups.  As a "family" we set up a "course"  including but not limited to the following tasks one right after the other:
1- hop over a row of sticks or logs
2- do 10 jumping jacks
3- crawl under a row of chairs
4- spin around the bat 5 times
5- kick a ball in the goal
6- climb up our landscaping wall/bear crawl up the hill
7- Run as fast as you can to the end
We count out loud (good way to integrate counting practice and watch reading work too!) to see how long it takes us and try to beat our own times the second time around. This is great family exercise and the kids always get into it trying to created great obstacles for us. Also, another benefit is EVERYONE is getting exercise even mom (if she can participate!) Family exercise is beneficial on all levels, just ask my friend Mendy Shriver, she runs a fitness business completely based off of moms and their babies you should go check it out!

3. Playground games- guess what...this new generation doesn't play foursquare!!! My eleven year old did not know how to play foursquare, I mean I was shocked and slightly disappointed in our public school system! What kind of world do we live in where kids don't know how to play foursquare!!!! So I took immediate action. The other day we were playing outside and I began to teach my 5 year old how to play foursquare (preschoolers can hit a ball over the line and they think it's pretty fun and it's pretty easy) and then all three of my kids joined in.  We had a blast and we kept it simple, just hitting the ball over the lines into each other's "square".  So, you could all play a game together or you can send them outside to play 3 rounds of playground games.  Foursquare is an easy option because you can square off any area, concrete, gravel, grass etc. You need a bouncy ball. You can also have a jump rope station set up and your other activity can be something you already have available.  (basketball, soccer goal, swings etc) Set a timer and have them play each activity for 10 minutes.  This is all depending on your age of kids.  My kids play outside by themselves now (also we live in the country so it's very safe) if you need to be outside with them, pull up a chair and a whistle and be the ref, while sipping a nice beverage and flipping through a magazine!  Playground games are sure to be lots of fun and can be so simple!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore, honor God with your bodies.

Our children are greatly lacking in PLAY and childhood obesity is off the charts!  Outdoor play offers fresh air, energy burning, sunshine (mostly) and has lots of opportunity for imagination and success.  Let's start this Spring Break week and make a change for our kids.  Eyes off of screens and onto to play, with little work from mom and no money spent!

Have fun!

Much Love,
Chrystan

Centered in the Light

(photo by cferrell)

Have you ever just sunk down deep into your depths and wanted to stay there?  Today that's where I am.  And sweet sister, if I'm being honest, it's not a place where I sit with Jesus it's a place where I feel sad.  Today has been hard, and the problem I'm battling will not get easier. So, where do we go from the deep down darkest depths, you get centered back into the light.

My life is ordinary, yet run by an extraordinary creator.  He does sweet things to lift my eyes back up to him and today has been no different, though I continue to battle the back slide.  Everyday faith for me comes fairly easy, I mean God is super easy to trust and believe in in the everyday spaces. It's the places of turmoil where there is uncertainty of out come, when there is attack is where things start to feel impossible.   

My life is not tragic.  Today I am not facing tragedy, and what's interesting I learned something about tragedy at If:Gathering this weekend.  There is not a Hebrew word that translates our word "tragedy" because the Hebrews believed there was nothing tragic, that if something seemed hopeless still it was because God was still moving and working out his plan.  Now that's something to wrap your mind around.  

(photo by cferrell)

My life is Christ centered.  When your life is Christ centered you are walking in light.  When I am not focused on the truth of Christ I am hiding behind darkness instead of staying in the light.  Today things seemed dark, very dark, and sad but I spent a few hours stepping back into light.  I opened the pages of the Bible and read truth.  I re-centered.

Lovelies, things are going to suck. It's pretty much guaranteed (see John 16:33). We are separated from the original plan for us because of original sin, so this world and it's sadness and hurts we cannot avoid.  We can, however, choose to re-center.  We can choose to chase after light with all our might and all our energy.  We are going to get down, but if we allow him, the Lord will give us reason not to stay down.  

(photo by cferrell)

The months ahead may have dark spots but the God who knit us together in the secret place will love us well and lift our face, if we center ourselves in his light.  I'm praying that for us this week.  Don't stay down in darkness girls, let the lover of your soul lift your head and guide you on. Seek Him in prayer, seek Him in scripture, find a church, find a Bible study, find accountability, you were not meant to do this life alone.  God created you special, you are a treasure to him FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made in his LOVINGLY BEAUTIFUL image.  Run with that as the wind in your sails this week.

Much Love,

Chrystan

Nothing to Prove Review: A Book For You

I've not officially written a book review for you before.  It's a new thing I'm trying so just go with me on this for a minute.

So many of us (women) are striving.  We strive to be really good at all the things.  Often we drive ourselves to the edge of sanity to get there.  Our addiction to approval, praise and perfection and the lengths we go through to get there stretch us in ways that leave marks.  Scars even.  We are a performance, like based society and as women we are striving, maybe towards the wrong things in the wrong ways.

Jennie Allen, one of my very favorite authors and people on the planet, has written a book that has freed me from those striving places.  The Bible is our number one go to for healing and instruction, always.  God has also given words to others to teach us, Jennie has words to teach us and wisdom to share.  

I don't want to share all the details (because you should go read this book today!) but I want you to know that this book will free those places in your life where you are striving yet falling short. At every turn Jennie reminds us that we are enough because Jesus is enough.  With personal accounts, Biblical examples and words of truth and inspiration Jennie takes readers on a step by step journey through the pain of inadequacy to the freedom in Christ's enoughness (that may not be a word but we are going to pretend it is today).  There's talk of transparency and authenticity which ya'll know are two of my favorite words!  She baby steps us through each hidden crack of our feelings of inadequacy and heals them with the words of our Heavenly Father.

You can't miss out on this book, and I promise it will change you.  God is doing something in the words FREEDOM and BROKEN this year, I believe it.  He has so many of our leaders speaking truth into these words. Let's set our lives up to hear from people teaching truth about doing life together, being enough in Christ and being broken before with each other and our Father. Say yes to Nothing to Prove, read it's pages and let it sink into your soul. Then message me and tell me all the things God is teaching you through these words, because I am certain He has a word for his girls through this book.  

I am sharing this review not because I get some special benefit from it (I was on Jennie's launch team so I got to read the book early, but that's where it stops). I want you to read this book because I know it will change us for the better, because I know God is working in this and I want us all to be apart of these places that will set us free.  Imagine if every woman operated under the idea that she was enough in Christ.  What an army we will be!

Free is where our creator wants us to be, He created you for such a time as this, you were made BEAUTIFULLY FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY in his perfect image...you have nothing to prove in your life with him, he has already declared you enough sweet girl!

Go get this book so you can read the words that changed me. Click here Nothing to Prove Amazon to order your copy.

Much Love,

Chrystan

PS- I'm headed to IF:Gathering in Austin, Texas this weekend (back to my home state!) Are you participating in IF? If not you can live stream it, check out the details here!

To recognize our need for God is the beginning of our finding him ~Jennie Allen Nothing to Prove

Play Like A Girl

I've written and erased and re-written this blog about 5 times over the last week.  I can't seem to get it right, here's my last attempt to tell you what's on my heart.

Once a week I take off my business owner clothes and lace up my soccer cleats.  The roles are not that much different for me.  In each role I have to fight and hold my own.  In each role I'm frequently the only girl in the pack.  In each role I have to prove myself.

I am so very competitive and so very aware that women in powerful roles have to prove themselves worthy of standing on their own.  Worthy of running with the boys.  There is a smaller percentage of women business owners in the world.  We are small but fierce.  On or off the field I am a fierce competitor. 

There have been times in our history where being a strong woman was frowned upon. There were times in our history where strong women were almost too vocal.  I believe there can and needs to be a great balance here.  Did you know that the ministry of Jesus included women which was mind blowing for the time that he walked this earth? Strong, bold, fierce women are all over the ministry of Jesus, and in fact all over the Bible.

Last week, I had someone tell me "it's just business, there's no emotion here, it's just business"  I called my friend Mendy, frustrated with myself. Frustrated because I try really hard to run with the guys in business. I don't want to ever be viewed as lacking or weaker.  This interaction made me feel lacking and weaker but my homegirl Mendy (another female entrepreneur) reminded me of the beauty in women business owners. How God uses his creation in women to do great things.

May I remind you of Deborah in the Bible (2 Kings) and Mary (mother of Jesus) Rehab (prostitute who played an amazing role in the Bible and the story of Jesus) ya'll the list goes on and on.  We are useful. We are important.  God can and does use us to his glory.

Each Thursday I join a group of guys out on a field to play a sport that helped mold me into the fierce woman that I am today.  I am the only girl that plays.  I fight hard.  I hate loosing the ball and they know I will fight hard to get it back.  I am competitive and I play hard.  I play like myself, not like them.  Who I am as a player is uniquely different than who they are as players. Men play differently in soccer and in life.  God made us uniquely different. I am happy and thankful today that I play like a girl.  I am happy blessed and thankful that God molded me into the amazing women of faith and grace that I am today.  I may not play perfectly, I may play with intense passion.  However, today I stand in front of you a mom of 3 boys, a loving wife, business owner to a rapidly growing business, woman of faith and leader in ministry that says, play like a girl and love it.  God uses his women for some pretty great things!  Teach your girls to play like a girl too.  To fight fiercely. To stand boldly.  To be unique. To be an individual. To be a sister loved by God.  He loves his girls and uses them often to make advances in his kingdom. Go boldly and bravely towards him, he will show you how to fight.  Girls, he has made you FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY in his perfect loving image. 

Never forget that you are a daughter to the one true king if nothing else today, stand tall and firm in that and teach your girls to do the same. To play like a girl...

Much Love,

Chrystan

Renewal

RENEWAL: The replacing or repair of something that is worn out, run down or broken.

The wonderful thing about this time of year is renewal.  One would think that that time would be the New Year, but I beg to differ.  Spring is renewal for me, the replacing of the worn out.  I have seasonal depression so I find myself in what feels like a hopeless rut for about 3-4 months of the year (my poor husband).  I just feel blah. I get chubby, grumpy, sad, and difficult. I try to find joy in so many places but joy does not come.  Through prayer I survive this every year.  This year was better than the last few.  I took vitamin D and combated it in every way I could.  Now I get to stare fully into Spring knowing the next part of the year will likely be easier to manage.

I am a woman all about renewal.  I roll well with change.  I like to try new things.  I embrace new ways of doing things, new schedules to try, fun workout classes to attend and basically just love to dive right in!  For some of you the thought of all of this is making it hard to breathe, I understand we are not all creatures of change.  During this season of renewal what I want to remind us all of is the renewal that comes with our life in Christ. If you are a believer you get to be reminded of something so precious this week.  The life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This is the ultimate representation of renewal.  In Revelations 21 we get a picture of this:

"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. he will dwell with them and they will be his people and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

Can you just imagine, all the new things!!!??  He makes all things new!!!  You, me, your family, your church...newness.  If you surrender your life to him you are made new in him.  There's nothing he can't fix in your life there's nothing lacking in him, he brings beauty even in despair, he brings life even in death. Renewal at it's very best.

 Just like Spring is bringing in new blooms, green grass and lush gardens full of life; God is bringing newness to his believers each and every day.  Allow him to work in your and through you. How can you do this? Surrender your life to him and run hard after his promises and words (read the Bible, be in fellowship, tell others of his love). Sprint to him sweet girl, he will make you new.

Be renewed this week friends.  Allow God to show you his new things for you.  Allow him to take you by the hand and show you all his goodness and believe me HE IS GOOD!

Much Love,

Chrystan

In Sickness and In Health

I have been out of order for the last 10 days.  Sick as a dog.  What started as a sore throat, morphed into some of the worst pain I have experienced.   I couldn't eat, sleep, read, work, listen to music, drive or even play.  I was down. The infection that was initially in my throat made it's way into my ear and on a flight home from Austin wrecked havoc on my inner ear canal.  Ear pain, THE WORST! Finally, I have been granted some relief today after being loaded up on steroids yesterday.

Being down is for the birds.  Not my favorite thing, I don't do forced relaxation well. I have too much to do to not be doing something. I run a home, a business,I'm part of a growing women's ministry, I have my blog, I have my Church body, I have many roles in the Church, I have bible studies to do and bills to pay.  I have all the things.  I cannot be down for 10 days.  I mean who can?  So, I aggressively prayed and frantically pleaded for God to take all this sickness away. To make me feel better. To relieve the painful pressure in my ear, I was seriously in mind numbing, mind loosing pain ya'll.  He, however, did not choose that path for me.  Instead he sent me love.

Love the poured out all over me these past 10 days.  No, Jesus did not show up at my door step and give me a big holy hug (but can you imagine, I would be geeking out!) But instead he gave me a husband who poured himself out for me for 10 days.

He did all the things. He transported kids, cooked dinner, grocery shopped, held me while I sobbed in pain, he drove me to the ER where he had to endure me screaming and crying and snotting and puking and shaking and more.  He sat with me in the hospital and kept me calm. He was my calm in the storm.  He was unconditionally loving me in all the ways I have prayed my husband would. He was romantic. He was caring and also stoic.  He was on my side and by my side.  He waited on me hand and foot, even laying out my pills for me when it was time. He came home early from work just so I didn't have to be alone.

Let me tell you, this is God's great work in my husband. My dear sweet man is not known for being caring and nurturing, he's a true man's man. A rub some dirt on it and get back out there kind of man.  So if you are reading this and feeling envious and jealous I want you to read the following and apply.  I have prayed that Adam and I would learn to love each other the way each other needs to be loved. That God would teach us how to serve each other well.  After 5 years of marriage, we are still working on this.  If you long for this in your life, you must be willing to pray about it and to change the way you are serving to reflect the needs of your spouse (or spouse in waiting).

God saw favor on me by equipping my husband to step up to the plate and knock it out of the park. To be the hands and feet of Jesus, to serve and love me well. Though I'm not sure I would EVER repeat this week again, the silver lining and blessing in it all is to have been cared for and loved well by the man God gave me for so many reasons that I could not begin to list them all.  Sometimes we wonder why God pairs us with these men, we could not be more different right?  But when the rubber meets the road, when the tough things happen, they balance us out and we get to move forward together.

If you are in a season a tough times in your marriage, can I encourage you to pray about your role in your spouses life. How can you love them well? How can you serve them best?  It's probably not the way you want to to be served, but do it anyways.  I promise it will reap great rewards, if even just within your own soul.  Bring those things to the Lord, he will guide you if you let him. After all, he made you in his own image FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY and so BEAUTIFULLY designed to love and serve others.

Much Love,
Chrystan

PS- I am not the perfect spouse, I am self preaching here as well!  Thank the Lord for grace and new days to try harder to live out my vows well!

Underneath

It is officially winter on Ferrell Farms.  The sky is deary, the days are short, it's cold and there is snow.  Let me peel back a layer of myself and tell you I despise winter.  It is just all the things.  I don't like being cold, I can't drive in winter weather due to a car vs black ice situation that could have ended my life and I have seasonal depression so there's that. WINTER, yuck.  However, I have seen some beautiful things around me this winter that called me outside with the little's this weekend.

There was white snow on the ground around the farm this week and it has been so pretty to look at.  Except that under snow there was mud.  Nasty, dirty icky mud.  The ground was so saturated that my boots were sinking down into the mud.  Which left the snow dirty and my boots (and little boys) filthy.

The last few years I have been all in and committed to transparency.  I don't want any woman to begin talking to me, hear me speak or read my blog and think she just has it all together. I always want you to be reminded that I am a hot mess.  There is no perfection in the lines of these words.  I am 100% washed in the grace and blood of Jesus and that is the only way this hot mess steps one foot in front of the other most days.  So, I have a group of women (my prayer group that is now a part of the Imperfectly Brave movement, you can join in too!) that I am nothing but 100% real with.  This week they literally heard me talk about how I have felt so out of sync with God these last two weeks.  I told them all the yucky places while they all sat around my farmhouse table and nodded their heads.  Their pointing fingers were down, they were judgement free and they let me say all the things.  Then they prayed with me. I cry with them I laugh with them and we are so real.  From that group I have realized we just need to be so very real with each other. If we walk in perfection, there is no room for Jesus.  If I act like I've got this all under control then I can't show you that it is only through Christ that I am even keeping my head a float.

Under the snow, was the mud.  But the mud reminded me that there is life, real true growing life under there.  Snow is the precipitation that keeps our ground watered and prepared for the planting and the harvest.  The mud holds that all together till the harvest comes.  There is beauty in each role, the snow, the mud, the yucky of it all holds a beautiful picture in the end.  I want to present Jesus in a good light, I want to be washed white and I am, but then I get muddy again and there is grace.  Wash, rinse and repeat.  Perfection only takes away from the beauty of grace, and ladies grace is where it's at.  May I always be reminded of the hot mess that Jesus loves so fiercely he gave his life away for all the mess to be washed in the blood and remade into a beautiful daughter of the most high King.

I took my eyes off the prize last week and in my transparency I found it all again. In my weakness he stayed strong, sought me out and brought me back. It's not different for you sweet girl.  You can be real, there are people out there that need you to show the imperfection to see the work that the Lord has done and is doing.  May we all find grace in the muddy places, for the harvest will be plentiful.

Much Love,
Chrystan

New Year New You: The Truth Behind Change

In Christ you are a new creation, the old has gone the new has come~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

Last year I made a decision.  I got tired of being sick and tired, literally.  I committed to change.  I've dieted many many times in my life. I've starved myself, obsessed over working out and beat myself up over every cookie, every french fry.  I've spent many years of my life on the body image roller coaster.  Putting much of my value and worth in the numbers on the scale.  So much of my life I valued what others saw as beautiful more than my heavenly Father. Change seemed impossible.

 Last year it was different.  I spent over a year feeling physically crappy, overweight, depressed and lacking in joy.As I began to review what in the world was going on I prayerfully met the idea of change.  That's the thing about change, it's now seemingly impossible to me without Christ's backing.  As humans our nature is set in such a way, because of free will, that change is very hard.  Our selfish nature, pride and willfulness gets in the way of change.  We want so badly to be more organized, have better will power, stay the course, beat the addiction, yet so many times when the rubber meets the road we find ourselves at the end of the year 10 lbs heavier and no better than how we ended last year.  So, I get it.  I get that we may all have the desire for the completion of a resolution and beat ourselves up at the end of yet another year where we failed again.

The difference in this change for me was that instead of journeying out into the big thing alone, I invited God to go with me.  I sought his desire for this part of my life instead of my own.  This changed my perspective. Instead of change being about what size pants I wore or getting a medal in the 1/2 marathon I wanted to run it became more about honoring God with my life and the way I lived it.

Enough about me.  May I encourage you to invite God into these places of your life that you are wanting change in but can't figure out why every year it's the same.  Here's some things you may be holding onto tightly:

Your single life
Your marriage
Problems at work
Weight loss
Sex addiction
Food addiction
Pornography
Loneliness
Past hurts
Drug addiction
Alcohol abuse
Material possessions
Your children
Your home
A health issue
Social media addiction

How do you invite him in to these places? Pray.  Invite him to intercede in your life, to be the guide in your journey. So often we step out, ahead of him and expect him to work it all out. Oh sweet sister it doesn't work that way. God must be the leader in your dance, he is not in the business of following.
30 lbs lighter, free of daily depression, free of illness and joint pain I literally stand before you changed both physically and spiritually.  I invited God into that change, and he was the author of this story.

Who will write the pages of your book this year?

Can I suggest on anthem for 2016:

Much Love,
Chrystan

What Dreams May Come: The Journey of an Un-Wed Mother

10 years ago this week there was a frightened girl. A frightened girl who looked into the future and saw only the looming darkness of the unknown.  Covered in shame, rejected by friends, judged by many, she leaned heavily on the few that stayed. As she stepped one heavy foot in front of the other into the darkness she found there was light, because He cannot help but be light in the darkness and he was there.  He was there in the eyes of her parents as they gave grace and love. He was there in the hand of her friend, who literally held her and walked with her each day, each hour, each minute, there till the end.  God was there in the dark to create light and boy did he ever shine brightly.

10 years ago this week I was pregnant, I was not married, I felt alone, ashamed, abandoned and unworthy of love.  Unworthy of the love of my parents, the love of my friends, my family, the love of the man who helped create this child, I felt a shame that was unloveable.  Then there was light.  There was darkness, then there was light.

When Cohen entered my life after 9 months of darkness, loneliness, fear, and shame there was light.  I saw the light of love in his eyes like I had never seen in my life.  I realized that there was grace, God's grace. There in that moment God could not be in darkness so he lit up my life and I was forever changed.

I didn't hold shame after that.  I broke free of that, God freed me there in that moment when I saw light, I was free from the darkness of shame.  The next two years of my life had many trials.  I was struggling to build my career, find my place in the church (which felt impossible), care for Cohen and navigate the awkwardness of co-parenting and all the pain that came with that.  But he held me through the most trying times I have ever endured.

He held me through my family. With love in their hearts for the prodigal daughter they held me with batted breath to see what God would do with this.  Now I see that their hands were the hands of the Father, dripping with love and abundant grace they stood steadfastly by my side, waiting...loving.

He held me through my friend Nicole, the friend who could've walked away but stayed.  She could've have said I was too much, but she prayed instead.  She was there, in the delivery room, holding my hand and crying with me.  She was there when light came back into my life and that is something I could never repay. This was Jesus in her life and grace in mine.  I am forever thankful for a friend that injected herself into my life in such a way that God's light shined in darkness and broke the chains of shame in me.  I pray God blesses her abundantly for this act of love.

He held me through trials.  For 2 years of my life I journeyed through this new life. I had some HUGE stumbles back into darkness but never chose to stay.  I battled depression and the lie of unworthiness that echoed in my mind.  I moved, I found a rekindled love for Christ and I marched forward into the unknown with batted breath, knowing that good was in me.

Cohen Michael Fuller changed me.  He still changes me.  I look into his eyes and I still see that light.  The light that on December 20th, 2005 woke me up and brought me out of the pits.  Each step forward was not easy, but has been nothing but blessing. As I reflect on what this child is I am reminded that no other struggle has been more painful yet more full of abundant love and grace.  I have learned so much through these last 10 years. Mostly that we just all need to be grace givers.  My Pastor says we should be the most joyful people, because in Christ we are made new. I would say yes to that and add to my own story GRACE GIVER. A joyful grace giver, because I have been blessed by God's grace and the grace of team Cohen.

I am immeasurably blessed and forever changed by the 10 years I have had with this child.  I have allowed myself to dream big dreams for him because I know this future is no longer filled with darkness, only great light! Cohen, God has used you to change me forever. My prayer for you is that you will let your light shine in the dark places. That you will lay down your nets and follow him at all costs, knowing that there is no greater life to live.  You were BEAUTIFULLY, WONDERFULLY and FEARFULLY Made in his precious grace filled image.  I love you so much but GOD loves you more.

To the rest of you, hug a single mom today, believe me she needs it more than you can ever imagine. Bathe her in love and grace, the struggle is real!

Much Love,
Cohen's Mom

PS- Here's a look into our journey.  Cohen says this is our family song. I couldn't be more in agreement!