What A Pastor's Wife Wants You to Know

If you are a church goer then it is likely you have a Pastor. If you have a Pastor then it is likely that sitting in the front pew of your church (or close) is a Pastor's wife.  She's probably smiling. She's probably looking all put together and calm.  You may look at her and think she is a picture of perfection.  The ladies of your church may put her just under the pedestal that they place her husband on each week, which is scary for her because it's a long frightening fall down off of a pedestal that high.  Because guess what, she is a human person.  A human person with all the feels, with the anxieties of expectations not met, with the fear of letting someone down in her humanness, walking around with the weight of the expectation that goes with her title, she is a real girl with a big calling.  Can you walk with me into this for a little while?  Are you loving on your Pastor's wife? Have you gotten to know her?  Have you placed her on a high pedestal of unattainable expectations?  Let's chat.

Think about getting to church events. You mommas with babies, isn't it the HARDEST feat ever to get your kids up, fed, dressed decently, PLUS getting yourself ready and all out the door in time for church. I mean, exhausting just typing about it right?  Imagine doing that by yourself every single Sunday morning. Along with Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Easter and all the church events in between.  When your husband is called to Pastor, you are called to support. When your husband is at deacons meetings, hospital visits, weddings, funerals, church services, evening service, business meetings, southern baptist convention, pastoral leadership meetings and all the things in between that leaves you running the home.  Imagine doing all that and breezing into the doors on Sunday morning looking perfectly put together like a pastor's wife should.  Then jumping into the role of greeter, counselor and even sometimes mediator.  Imagine all the pressure to attain perfection in this, as the people all watch you waiting for you to slip up.

So, can we just love on these women girls. Can we give them safe places?  So many Pastors' wives are told to live lonely lives, because people are not safe for them.  Because the women in the church expect perfection from their pastors wife and will not give them safe places to be real, and let me just say, how un-biblical is that.  How can we expect perfection for our members in ministry?  That's not biblical at all!  No one is perfect! No one can have it all together all the time. We need ugly cries and real hugs.  We all have hard days, and weaknesses and imperfections of course.  Guess what, our Pastor and his wife are not exempt from that. They are chasing after grace just as we are.  They are called to lead but not to perfection.  They are called to serve but will not always do it perfectly.  Have you hugged your Pastor's wife lately? She needs a real, honest hug. One that she can sink into and breathe out the weight of perfection laid on her by the world, by the church. It's harder than you think.

Ruth Graham is maybe not a well known name in your house.  Maybe you don't know anything about this woman, but she was mighty.  I don't know her personally, but I've heard she was amazing.  I don't know her inner self, but I've heard of her great heart in a life lived serving alongside her husband in ministry. It's funny to say serving alongside, because really she was an extremely important player in the Billy Graham ministry but she was completely behind the scenes.  In order for a Pastor to serve and have a family it seems common that the Pastor's wife takes on a huge support role.  Billy Graham's ministry called him out of their home with 5 children for many days, many months and many years.  Ruth lived out her ministry role by running their household and supporting her husbands call to Pastor.  Lives, so many lives, have been changed because of the role that she filled. It was a hard, lonely, long role at times.  But she served in mighty ways.

Decision Magazine wrote these things about Ruth Bell-Graham:

Ruth’s rock-solid support of Billy’s ministry and her ability to manage their household on her own earned the respect of his Team. “There would have been no Billy Graham as we know him today had it not been for Ruth,” said Billy’s longtime assistant, T.W. Wilson. '

“What I missed!” he wrote in “Just As I Am,” his autobiography, “And what Ruth missed by not having me to help her. Whenever I did get home, I got a crash course in the agony and ecstasy of parenting. If Ruth had not been convinced that God had called her to fulfill that side of our partnership and had not resorted constantly to God’s Word for instruction and to His grace for strength, I don’t see how she could have survived.”

Our Pastor's have amazing, God honoring, exhausted, poured out women serving alongside them.  Helping them get up to the pulpit each Sunday.  Praying for them, lifting them up, and walking through the messy of ministry because lets face it they work directly with humans and we are messy. Let us love our Pastor by loving his wife like Jesus does, fiercely and with abundant grace.  Let's let them be real people doing real life things for we are all FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made in his BEAUTIFUL image.  Grace upon grace abounds... Go hug a Pastor's wife this week!

Much Love,
Chrystan

PS- More than 80% of Pastor's wives feel unsupported, burnt out and unappreciated by their Church. Here is a great little blog that tells you how you can support and care for your pastor's wife.
http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/23209-7-ways-to-support-your-pastor-s-wife
and also here is a 30 days of praying scripture for your pastor's wife:
https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/30-day-praying-for-your-pastors-wife/

This Is Amazing Grace: Remembering the Journey

I dated a really bad guy once.  A really bad guy.  He was abusive in a way that I'm not sure you will understand if you haven't experienced it before.  He was controlling and emotionally abusive through his control of my life.  He made me feel teeny tiny and unworthy of him.  I changed who I was for him, I gave up my beliefs and pushed my family aside to be with him.  Through all the warnings and red flags I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  I try not to say I regret things in life, as God uses those things to mold and shape us and bring us somewhere beautiful, but it's the closest thing I have to regret. (If you are in an abusive relationship please seek help today!)

Today I am typing from my front porch at Ferrell Farms.  I am about to celebrate 5 years of marriage to Farmer Adam and I am blown away by where God has brought me.  My college years were rough, the world won me over in my 20's.  Cohen's birth and raising him as a single momma saved my life.  The years that followed were filled with extreme highs and lows.  Dating an abusive man took a toll on me but after that I began to find a personal journey in my walk with God.  It became less of something my parents brought me up to do and more about a need and desire.  I had an ache I was trying to heal with a lot of things, an ache that only God had the medicine for.  When I met Adam the first time, we were no where near ready for each other, so a year later God tried again and we have been together ever since.  In this time the Lord has worked in our lives in the most incredible ways.  He has blessed us with two more boys, kept us together fighting against the world for our marriage and most importantly he has drawn us each so closely to him that we have become one unit.  I sit on this porch saying there is no way I could have ever dreamed this big for my life, my God he is so BIG!  (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

I am reminded this morning of one of my favorite Bible stories. One that I fell in love with when I fell back in love with God.  The story of Ruth in the Bible is incredible.  It is a love story, but not exactly the kind of love story you would think of.  This story has a special place in my heart, because it was the first time I fell in love with the words of the Bible.

In honor of my love story meeting it's 5th year anniversary this month and to celebrate a new chapter coming in my life, we are going to do a 2 week study together of the book of Ruth.  I am not a theologian, I barely know how to spell that word.  However, I believe that God is calling me to go deeper with you and for you to step in closer to him through his words revealed through this blog. This will be a great journey together and I am excited to share my love of this book in the Bible.  So join in on the fun and let's discover together how God worked in one woman's life so greatly he put her name in the lineage of Jesus!  A lowly widow of the wrong kind of people group ended up in the lineage of Jesus, I mean how big is our God!

Can't wait friends!  You can join in by subscribing to my blog or following me on social media for more posts which will lead to a BIG announcement at the end!  Eeek so excited!

This week as you step into all the hard places look forward into the eyes of your Savior! Step in knowing that God's plan is so great, that you are FEARFULLY, BEAUTIFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE in his image!

Much Love,
Chrystan